Maybe I'm lacking creativitiy these days, but maybe it's just been too long since I've had any TIME to write! My god, why didn't anyone tell me that taking care of a baby was so time consuming! I guess that if she was a sleeper I would feel like I had some time, but I can't remember the last time I actually had time to think about what I wanted to do.
It seems there is always something. Around the house there's always laundry, vacuuming, cooking, dishes. And now that I have a part time job, that just means I have less time to do all of those things. Don't forget of course the fact that I'm trying to do all of this with a baby one one hip and or in my peripheral at all times. Of course I have help. Duy is fantastic and takes her whenever I want him to, but there are times when she just wants MAMA. And, as stressful and busy and challenging it is, I love her love.
So life truly is a beach. From morning to night I am participating in the development of a human being; shaping her life, experiences and opinions to make her a wonderful person. It's not without it's ups and downs of course, but as every parent will tell you - it's worth it.
Duy and I are taking her to Ontario next week to visit my grandparents and her great-grandparents for the first time. It's Thanksgiving next weekend, so we'll be participating in one of my favorite holiday traditions - EATING. Mmmmmm. We're also planning on doing some cooking too... Pho or WonTon Soup. My grandma has lost her sence of taste, so I'm hoping that a little of Vietnam's finest hot-sauce can help with that. :) We're going to try to 'jump-start' her taste buds. Wouldn't that be cool if it did work? Imagine curing the loss of taste in a person. We're also going to visit my aunt and uncle and cousin too. It'll be a whole family affair and we're planning on taking hundreds of photos.
Of course, we'll go to the beach there too. Can't have a proper vacation without a trip to the beach!
We're planning on spending a day in Toronto too, wandering around Chinatown while Duy looks for whispers from his previous life. We'll probably visit some Vietnamese stores and stock up on imported candies that when he was young - paid 6 cents for and we'll have to shell out 6 bucks. Highway robbery! But... worth it to see his smile of comfort.
Back to living in the moment - Eliina currently boasts 2 teeth. Little 'milk teeth' they're called and she's biter with them too. Also a chatter. She loves gabbing away "ba ba ba - ma ma ma - bwa bwa - phhhhhhhhhth"... for HOURS on end. When she wakes up in the morning she is so cheerful and chiper, she doesn't cry - she starts to gab and talk and babble her baby words. It's such a nice way to wake up. If only I could convince her to wait until just 7:30am to start gabbing away!
She's 6 1/2 months old now and 20lbs of joy.
Love
her grip on my hand is nothing compared to her grip on my heart
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Unconditional Love
I know that all relationships have conditions. Friendships have common ground. Co-workers share common goals. When two people first meet, they may find each other attractive and interesting; maybe even have some of the same interests or share life experiences. These conditions are unconscious and rarely discussed, but every kind of relationship has them.
At least that's what I thought until I had my daughter.
I am truly blessed to know what unconditional love is. Let me explain. Every day I wake up next to my amazing husband and our wonderful daughter. She hardly knows us (is barely 4 months old) yet it seems like the highlight of her day just to see our faces. She smiles and laughs at the experience of being awake. She giggles when you smile or laugh back. She bursts with excitement as you talk to her, say 'good morning', as she struggles to communicate back. She wiggles and squirms and shrieks at light changes as you open the curtains and she can see the features of our faces in a better light.
I love her (obviously) but I know what love is as I have some experience with it. Eliina is new to this world, and the most obvious, pure emotion that I am sure she experiences is love. Unconditional love for her parents and I can't speak for Duy, but I am thrilled to be on the receiving end of it every day.
They're incredible, these little people.
At least that's what I thought until I had my daughter.
I am truly blessed to know what unconditional love is. Let me explain. Every day I wake up next to my amazing husband and our wonderful daughter. She hardly knows us (is barely 4 months old) yet it seems like the highlight of her day just to see our faces. She smiles and laughs at the experience of being awake. She giggles when you smile or laugh back. She bursts with excitement as you talk to her, say 'good morning', as she struggles to communicate back. She wiggles and squirms and shrieks at light changes as you open the curtains and she can see the features of our faces in a better light.
I love her (obviously) but I know what love is as I have some experience with it. Eliina is new to this world, and the most obvious, pure emotion that I am sure she experiences is love. Unconditional love for her parents and I can't speak for Duy, but I am thrilled to be on the receiving end of it every day.
They're incredible, these little people.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Mammahood #1
Updates on my daughter... she's growing up wonderfully. She's getting so big and healthy, about 13lbs now. She'll be 3 months old in two days and she has all of us trained already. She cries when she wants to be fed, and mamma obliges. She cries when she wants to be picked up, and someone obliges (usually mamma). She cries when she wants anything and someone is always there immediately. I am reminded of that book by the Canadian author about living with a "pint sized dictator". She's like a mini-Fidel.
The diapering is going well. Maybe too well. We use cloth diapers during the day and a disposable overnight, it lets her sleep longer without waking up. And it works! During the day she hates being wet and cries to be changed (will come in handy when we're trying to potty train her) and she sleeps between 7-9 hours a night on average without waking up! Whoever thought of this... brilliant.
Breastfeeding is also wonderful. It hurt like hell the first three weeks while my nipples numbed to the pain, but now I have 'nipples of steel'. My word of advice to new moms or moms-to-be; if you're worried about the pain now of breastfeeding... KEEP BREASTFEEDING. It's the most incredible feeling to be able to singlehandedly provide all of the nourishment my baby needs. It makes Duy a little jealous... He let her try to suck his nipple the other day and he almost cried in pain as her little cheeks started to suction. I warned him that not everyone can have 'nipples of steel'.
She can self soothe by sucking her little thumb. She can hold her head up like a natural now. She's stronger than I would have ever guessed at only 3 months. She can't roll over yet, but she likes to lay on her belly and look around from a new angle for a change. She loves to sit up like the little dictator she is and view her subjects (her stuffed animals) and choose which one she wants to chew or push over. She loves to play with her rattles and is just at the stage now that everything within reach is up for taste-testing. My relaxing three months of 'baby care' are coming to an end as she is soon to be crawling everywhere, spitting up baby food and chewing everything from dog tails to pillows and anything else she can find.
The diapering is going well. Maybe too well. We use cloth diapers during the day and a disposable overnight, it lets her sleep longer without waking up. And it works! During the day she hates being wet and cries to be changed (will come in handy when we're trying to potty train her) and she sleeps between 7-9 hours a night on average without waking up! Whoever thought of this... brilliant.
Breastfeeding is also wonderful. It hurt like hell the first three weeks while my nipples numbed to the pain, but now I have 'nipples of steel'. My word of advice to new moms or moms-to-be; if you're worried about the pain now of breastfeeding... KEEP BREASTFEEDING. It's the most incredible feeling to be able to singlehandedly provide all of the nourishment my baby needs. It makes Duy a little jealous... He let her try to suck his nipple the other day and he almost cried in pain as her little cheeks started to suction. I warned him that not everyone can have 'nipples of steel'.
She can self soothe by sucking her little thumb. She can hold her head up like a natural now. She's stronger than I would have ever guessed at only 3 months. She can't roll over yet, but she likes to lay on her belly and look around from a new angle for a change. She loves to sit up like the little dictator she is and view her subjects (her stuffed animals) and choose which one she wants to chew or push over. She loves to play with her rattles and is just at the stage now that everything within reach is up for taste-testing. My relaxing three months of 'baby care' are coming to an end as she is soon to be crawling everywhere, spitting up baby food and chewing everything from dog tails to pillows and anything else she can find.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
My meaning of life lacks definition
I ran into an old friend today... (what's the old quote Carla, "I seem to be making a lot of old friends"??) while I was shopping at a healthfood store with Duy and Eliina. I haven't seen her in at least 7 or 8 years and she's not one of those folks that I've kept in touch with regularly. Not because we weren't good friends, but just because it didn't work out like that.
I've been thinking about the different ways in which I've defined myself in the past 10 years. While I was a High School Student I defined my life by who I was WITH my friends and what activities we did in our free time. After graduation I struggled with the concept of SELF and INDIVIDUALITY through a year at University; not sleeping much and ultimately deciding that I didn't want to be defined as a thinker but rather a doer. College allowed me the confidence to find my own niche after leaving Nova Scotia in the real world, and I found out that I could now define myself as what I DID for a living. Single, Student, Music Store Employee, Radio Station Summer Cruiser Girl, I graduated from College with a career in radio promotions and thought I'd never look back.
Being able to define who I was by having a job shaped me into someone who really wanted to be successful at what I was DOING, therefore making me confident in saying to those who inquired "I AM ___" and having something successful to include. I thought that it didn't matter what ____ was, as long as it sounded important and - well - successful.
Well, five years running the media gauntlet left me weary and worn; and when I came to the next mountain, I was spent. I crashed and burned out after a five year radio career. I was devastated. How was I going to define myself now when people asked? I was "single" again and also "unemployed"... two titles I've learned that leave most people looking for someone else to chat with at the bar. I was gun shy to get back in the media world, and instead looked for something else. When I was lucky enough to score a job in a country I've never planned to visit in a city that I'd never heard of I said YES with a resounding cheer. I had definition! I had a purpose. I boarded the plane ignorant to the fact that my life was about to change forever.
Most people say that travelling overseas is a life changing experience for them. For me, it was that and then some. Within a year and a half I was married and a mother. Two socially acceptable definitions for someone my age. But as Duy would say "So?" It's my first mothers day tomorrow and after two months I've accepted that I AM a mother, but it's more than that. I've discovered something unexpected...
Definition isn't what I'm living for anymore. I've reasoned that we change who we are so many times that that course leaves you flailing in the wind. What it is, is that my life now has a PURPOSE. Direction. And not the type of direction I was running into/away from before. My life has a point and I can feel it when I look into my daughter's eyes. She doesn't know it yet, but everything I do today and forward is for her future... for our future together. Before, I was content with getting my two week's paycheck and seeking out entertainment (movie, billiards, bar, hiking, bbq, whatever). Now those things seem less important to me... not that they aren't valuable as distractions, but I just feel so responsible for her health and well being.
Thankfully my husband is beside me through all of this. He is my rock, my moon and stars, my night-light and my love. All good titles, that I'm sure he would approve of.
I've been thinking about the different ways in which I've defined myself in the past 10 years. While I was a High School Student I defined my life by who I was WITH my friends and what activities we did in our free time. After graduation I struggled with the concept of SELF and INDIVIDUALITY through a year at University; not sleeping much and ultimately deciding that I didn't want to be defined as a thinker but rather a doer. College allowed me the confidence to find my own niche after leaving Nova Scotia in the real world, and I found out that I could now define myself as what I DID for a living. Single, Student, Music Store Employee, Radio Station Summer Cruiser Girl, I graduated from College with a career in radio promotions and thought I'd never look back.
Being able to define who I was by having a job shaped me into someone who really wanted to be successful at what I was DOING, therefore making me confident in saying to those who inquired "I AM ___" and having something successful to include. I thought that it didn't matter what ____ was, as long as it sounded important and - well - successful.
Well, five years running the media gauntlet left me weary and worn; and when I came to the next mountain, I was spent. I crashed and burned out after a five year radio career. I was devastated. How was I going to define myself now when people asked? I was "single" again and also "unemployed"... two titles I've learned that leave most people looking for someone else to chat with at the bar. I was gun shy to get back in the media world, and instead looked for something else. When I was lucky enough to score a job in a country I've never planned to visit in a city that I'd never heard of I said YES with a resounding cheer. I had definition! I had a purpose. I boarded the plane ignorant to the fact that my life was about to change forever.
Most people say that travelling overseas is a life changing experience for them. For me, it was that and then some. Within a year and a half I was married and a mother. Two socially acceptable definitions for someone my age. But as Duy would say "So?" It's my first mothers day tomorrow and after two months I've accepted that I AM a mother, but it's more than that. I've discovered something unexpected...
Definition isn't what I'm living for anymore. I've reasoned that we change who we are so many times that that course leaves you flailing in the wind. What it is, is that my life now has a PURPOSE. Direction. And not the type of direction I was running into/away from before. My life has a point and I can feel it when I look into my daughter's eyes. She doesn't know it yet, but everything I do today and forward is for her future... for our future together. Before, I was content with getting my two week's paycheck and seeking out entertainment (movie, billiards, bar, hiking, bbq, whatever). Now those things seem less important to me... not that they aren't valuable as distractions, but I just feel so responsible for her health and well being.
Thankfully my husband is beside me through all of this. He is my rock, my moon and stars, my night-light and my love. All good titles, that I'm sure he would approve of.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Eliina Mai
At exactly 5:47AM on Saturday, March 10th 2007 I had a revelation. Moments after they announced time of birth and Duy cut the cord, they placed my newborn daughter on my chest. As I gasped to catch my breath and tears flooded my eyes, I said what could only have been the most obvious thing in history for a new mother to say... "It's a baby!". Dripping with true astonishment those words were the most honest I've ever spoken from my core.
For the past 9 months, I've been expecting to birth a child. I've known that my body was doing something that was indescribable... another human being was being created. BUT, until that moment, despite the contractions, the kicking, the ultrasound and heart rate monitors, I didn't quite believe that I would actually be bringing a whole new person into this world. Then, at 5:47AM on Saturday, March 10th, Duy and I did just that. She weighed exactly 8lbs and has all of her fingers and toes. She's healthy, has a great set of lungs on her and she has a twinkle in her eye like she is planning to take over the world (or at least my world).
Over the past week, Duy and I've learned a few things (to say the least). We've changed dozens of diapers, napped from 2 to 4am and then again from 2 to 4pm, worried about her first poop and now anticipate them every 3 1/2 hours. I've learned that when my daughter cries it shakes me to my core. I can be in the other room or in a deep sleep, but I awake instantly and instictively run to her aid.
I've known her only a week and to say that I'm in love with her doesn't say enough. It's unbelievable how dedicated we both are to her already. I've broken, bent and changed my rules to accomodate her sleep. We're co-sleepers now despite my best intentions, but it allows all three of us to sleep more than 1 1/2 hours at a time. We use cloth diaper during the day (most days), but disposable diapers over-night. I don't trust myself to struggle with pins so close to her body while I'm half-asleep at 3:30am. I enjoyed pregnancy (until the last few weeks) but it was all worth it. She changed my life the instant she took her first breath, and I can't remember what the point of my life was before her.
Duy is the best father in the world. I knew he would be, but it's unbelievable to see the two of them together. He's so big and solid, and she is so small and delicate. He naps with her, sings to her, speaks Vietnamese to her. He teases her and tickles her, and flys her like an airplane around the room when she's fussing. His methods for calming her down are different than mine. While I tend to rely on the old breastfeeding fall back, he has learned to let her suckle on his finger to soothe her. He walks through the house with her while singing Vietnamese nursery songs. He makes her own faces back at her and when she stirs awake at 2am, he's usually awake at the same time or even before I am.
I have the same thought in the last moments before I fall asleep every night. As the three of us settle into our respective spots in what has become our shared bed, I realize that everything that means EVERYTHING to me in this entire world is right here. My husband to my left and between us lies our daughter. An real miracle on Earth.
For the past 9 months, I've been expecting to birth a child. I've known that my body was doing something that was indescribable... another human being was being created. BUT, until that moment, despite the contractions, the kicking, the ultrasound and heart rate monitors, I didn't quite believe that I would actually be bringing a whole new person into this world. Then, at 5:47AM on Saturday, March 10th, Duy and I did just that. She weighed exactly 8lbs and has all of her fingers and toes. She's healthy, has a great set of lungs on her and she has a twinkle in her eye like she is planning to take over the world (or at least my world).
Over the past week, Duy and I've learned a few things (to say the least). We've changed dozens of diapers, napped from 2 to 4am and then again from 2 to 4pm, worried about her first poop and now anticipate them every 3 1/2 hours. I've learned that when my daughter cries it shakes me to my core. I can be in the other room or in a deep sleep, but I awake instantly and instictively run to her aid.
I've known her only a week and to say that I'm in love with her doesn't say enough. It's unbelievable how dedicated we both are to her already. I've broken, bent and changed my rules to accomodate her sleep. We're co-sleepers now despite my best intentions, but it allows all three of us to sleep more than 1 1/2 hours at a time. We use cloth diaper during the day (most days), but disposable diapers over-night. I don't trust myself to struggle with pins so close to her body while I'm half-asleep at 3:30am. I enjoyed pregnancy (until the last few weeks) but it was all worth it. She changed my life the instant she took her first breath, and I can't remember what the point of my life was before her.
Duy is the best father in the world. I knew he would be, but it's unbelievable to see the two of them together. He's so big and solid, and she is so small and delicate. He naps with her, sings to her, speaks Vietnamese to her. He teases her and tickles her, and flys her like an airplane around the room when she's fussing. His methods for calming her down are different than mine. While I tend to rely on the old breastfeeding fall back, he has learned to let her suckle on his finger to soothe her. He walks through the house with her while singing Vietnamese nursery songs. He makes her own faces back at her and when she stirs awake at 2am, he's usually awake at the same time or even before I am.
I have the same thought in the last moments before I fall asleep every night. As the three of us settle into our respective spots in what has become our shared bed, I realize that everything that means EVERYTHING to me in this entire world is right here. My husband to my left and between us lies our daughter. An real miracle on Earth.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Early Labour
So I take back everything I said about the joys of pregnancy. I take back any alegations I made towards the 'magic' of childbirth. Right now, I just want it all over. The other day, I visited my doctor and we discussed inducing me if nothing happens by next Tuesday (March 13th). Sure as sugar the next morning I started having contractions. Regular ones. Every 5-7 minutes for about 1 minute each. And they HURT. They're easily compared to menustral cramps, but they're menustral cramps that extend into my upper abdomen. Well, those continued all day starting at 10AM and ending... never. I'm still having them. I went to the hospital last night to ask if this is normal. They said 'yes' and sent me back home. They don't want you cluttering up their maternity wards when you are just having 'early labour' as it's best dealt with in the comfort of your own home.
Yeah. Comfort.
So here I am, at 3cm and having regular contractions all day long. Last night I was up every 2 hours for my regular trip to the toilet, and then kept up for abit after each trip by contractions that made me wake up Duy with my deep and coping breathing techniques. I don't recommend this to anyone.
That said, I know it's all for a purpose. This must be what a chicken feels like. I equate this sensation to getting ready to lay an egg. It's gonna pop out, I just have no idea when (by Tuesday at least). And when I do give birth, I'm going to have a wonderful and beautiful baby... and that I'm excited for... despite all of the pain.
Yeah. Comfort.
So here I am, at 3cm and having regular contractions all day long. Last night I was up every 2 hours for my regular trip to the toilet, and then kept up for abit after each trip by contractions that made me wake up Duy with my deep and coping breathing techniques. I don't recommend this to anyone.
That said, I know it's all for a purpose. This must be what a chicken feels like. I equate this sensation to getting ready to lay an egg. It's gonna pop out, I just have no idea when (by Tuesday at least). And when I do give birth, I'm going to have a wonderful and beautiful baby... and that I'm excited for... despite all of the pain.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Ouch... so that's what a contraction feels like.
So, okay then. I've figured out what a contraction feels like (no baby yet though). For those of you who don't know and who aren't perhaps as briefed on the nuances of the nine months of JOY that women go through to propagate the human race, some of us are lucky enough to have what are called "Braxton Hicks" or practice contractions before the baby is born. These I think are to be viewed much the same way as a yellow yield sign, or a winter snow warning on The Weather Network. Essentially it's our bodies getting ready for the impending birth.
For me, there were two kinds. About two weeks ago I started having these practice tightenings of my abdomen. They didn't hurt at all. I thought to myself "self, this ain't half bad". Then, last night; just after a riveting game of "Mexican Train" with the folks and the hubby and two glasses of nettle tea; it started. I was knitting and watching Project Runway and suddenly I had a cramping all over the front of my torso that felt something like... it's hard to explain. I've never been stabbed, gouged or disemboweled but I think it would feel like something similar to this. (Maybe I'm exaggerating, maybe not). Either way, it made me gasp and it took my breath away at the same time. I remembered what they taught in the pre-natal class... BREATHE and start timing. I did and after a half hour, the contractions subsided and I was able to sleep just fine.
So... there it is. If the stories are true, and I have no reason to believe that they are not, then real labour (30 seconds of torso-tightening for 12+ hours) will be fantastic and exciting. I'll keep you posted. :) Cheers.
For me, there were two kinds. About two weeks ago I started having these practice tightenings of my abdomen. They didn't hurt at all. I thought to myself "self, this ain't half bad". Then, last night; just after a riveting game of "Mexican Train" with the folks and the hubby and two glasses of nettle tea; it started. I was knitting and watching Project Runway and suddenly I had a cramping all over the front of my torso that felt something like... it's hard to explain. I've never been stabbed, gouged or disemboweled but I think it would feel like something similar to this. (Maybe I'm exaggerating, maybe not). Either way, it made me gasp and it took my breath away at the same time. I remembered what they taught in the pre-natal class... BREATHE and start timing. I did and after a half hour, the contractions subsided and I was able to sleep just fine.
So... there it is. If the stories are true, and I have no reason to believe that they are not, then real labour (30 seconds of torso-tightening for 12+ hours) will be fantastic and exciting. I'll keep you posted. :) Cheers.
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